Resentment?

I'll be honest, sometimes I'm resentful of some of our horses. I often think of the things we could do/have if we had more normal horses and feel like we're missing out or like it's unfair. Especially the horses I have as a result of broken promises from people, the horses are still here and still need us.

I see some of my students wishing they could ride and compete like regular kids, but there's no barn nearby that does that with R+. I wish I had a horse they could learn to canter and jump on. I wish we had trails we could ride to, because ours don't travel so easily (our trailer only fits 1 clyde at a time and they need to go together). I wish our horses could trot around a show and win their kid a ribbon, they deserve it. We don't get to show off some of the incredible things they've accomplished with their horses because next to a normal horse it might not look so incredible. "You just got a 12y.o started under saddle? Why didn't you do that 9 years ago?!" So much of the amazing are things people wouldn't recognize in a show ring. Sometimes the "amazing" is just that they got there. Sometimes the amazing comes in the form of our donkey not kicking the vet during medical care, or our horse spooking but choosing to stick with their person and stay connected, or putting on a fly mask for the first time.

I wish we had a horse the kids could ride athletically, compete, win ribbons, do demos and teach about the power of R+.

Then I remember, we're a rescue, our horses come to us BECAUSE they don't fit into normal homes, because normal people would put them down or pass them off down the slaughter pipeline. If they were normal horses who could compete and show off and do all the special things, they wouldn't need us.

Then I remember what these horses HAVE done. They've taught our students SO much more beyond riding. Sure they get to hop on and ride from time to time, walk/jog around the farm and around the agility ring. The kids learn the basics of riding with consent, choice and empathy for the horse, but that means accepting when our horse isn't in the mood, isn't feeling good, or has a reason we don't know for not wanting to do what we want to do that day. Our kids learn EMPATHY, compromise and gentle communication skills, as opposed to how to bully a horse into compliance. They won't win a show ribbon for that, but they'll win the heart of their horse in a way few ever do.

Our horses have taught our kids to be patient, to recognize and acknowledge the good, the improvements, the incremental steps towards a goal. They kids learn how to work for what they want, how to earn it. They don't get old, broke school horses, they learn how to develop a working communication with a horse to train behaviors and support healthy emotions to reach whatever goal they might have as a team. They learn that horses aren't a toy to buy pre-programmed, they are a relationship that requires consistent work.

Our horses often have physical health problems that need training and management. Our kids learn to be creatively inclusive, coming up with clever ways to train blind horses, fun games to train a horse who can't walk right now, even ways to enjoy spending time with your most loved friend even if they can't go outside much and can't eat solid foods. The kids learn to creatively problem solve working with horses with all different physical and emotional needs. How to continue to build a relationship, even if some goals or paths need to be adjusted along the way.

Our horses are not perfect, but they have life lessons beyond how to sit on their back and control them, they teach communication, empathy, compassion, gentleness, hard work, patience, compromise, creativity, problem solving, and relationship building. Finally they teach a skill most kids don't get taught, making hard choices for the good of our horse. This can mean choosing NOT to do something you want, for your horse's sake. It can mean doing something hard and taking a hit to your relationship, to help the horse through a hard time. It can also mean losing our most loved animals because the time is right for them to leave us, and while that hurts us the most, we always put their needs above our own.

So when I start to feel resentful of why my horses aren't as good as the other horses out there and the don't give my kids the things I wish they could give them - I stop and I remember all this and I am so grateful to each and every one of them. The ones with health issues who can't do fun things, the ones with behavioral issues who make sure the kids really understand their training skills, the ones with emotional issues who help the kids learn to regulate their own. Our horses aren't normal and they don't teach the normal lessons, they are SPECIAL and have special lessons to teach. I am so grateful for the life lessons and loving relationships these horses open themselves up for.